These are the three most dangerous words for women in love.
Even the smartest women fall into a love trance thinking that now that they have found their soulmate, the love of their life, he will naturally know how to make them happy, satisfied and content.
Sure, they've heard that relationships take work, and yet they believe that their "soulmate love" will be effortless.
They have found a love that is rare and precious, an unimaginable love. A love that will conquer everything.
And then a year, or ten, or twenty later they find themselves restless, or worse, angry, frustrated, disappointed and ready to give up and head for divorce court.
They perceive that their once shiny knight has turned into a rusty, stubborn barrier to happiness and fulfillment.
One of the most common questions I am asked is:
"How do I know if he is my soulmate?"
It's a great question because there are so many myths and misconceptions about this one word.
I believe a soulmate is someone we feel a deep and profound connection to. Someone with whom we can completely be ourselves. Someone we love unconditionally and who loves us unconditionally. A soulmate is someone who will often be our greatest teacher, our greatest source of growth. This means there will be conflict.
So, you might be wondering...how do I KNOW if he is my soulmate?
First and foremost, you feel emotionally and physically safe with them. You love each other in spite of all the inherent quirkiness. When you are with your soulmate you feel that you are becoming a better person, a better version of "you." And, while all relationships go through rocky periods, when you believe he is your soulmate, you are willing to work through issues. It's important to understand that your soulmate not only knows how to push all your buttons, on an unconscious level it's part of the reason you've chosen them as it provides a unique opportunity for growth. (If the majority of what you feel with your lover is hot, hot chemistry, but not much else, this isn't a soulmate connection. It's lust, which only lasts for so long, at most two years.)
So what now?
Men think and respond very differently from women. Research has shown that men's brains are not only wired differently from women, they also process thoughts differently. The good news is that once you learn their language and process, they can be incredibly easy to live with. For instance, if you ask a man more than one question at a time, you confuse him. Relationship expert Alison Armstrong suggests that you ask one clear question. Then, put a piece of imaginary masking tape over your mouth and give him as much time as he needs to answer the first question. Repeat as needed. Read more on superheroyou.